Scooping The Lard

Let's not split hairs here - basically what Mother Tahoe is doing thus far is giving us all a little challenge. She's saying, "Hey, you ingrates usually get your turns served up nice and easy. Maybe this season you'll actually learn how to ski something besides 15" of fresh day after day. Maybe you'll actually remember what those metal edges on your skis are for." Many of us moved here from the East where you learn all the techy stuff that skiing is supposedly about (see Mike Akay for more on that). If you're like me, all of that has been forgotten and you are being forced to relearn.

In addition to learning how to ski, you also have to be a little more heads-up than usual. To have a great day on the hill you can't just hit your regular spots on the assumption that they will be reminiscent of what originally made them great. As you head to an old haunt, you slide around on blue ice along the way, hit some loose piles of snow and then realize how little coverage there is on everything around.

In fact, a new type of snow layer has been named in honor of these unique times. It's called 'lard.' Lard is the ugly cousin of that stuff which keeps stereotyping Coloradans in Colorado. Lard exists where grippy Sierra spackle formerly stuck to the cliffbands and chutes. Humor an example: you go into one of your favorite high-angle shots and start making turns. You quickly realize that there's something underfoot which feels crunchy and almost icy; you actually post-hole through it a bit with your skis on. It has its way with you. It relegates you to that old school 'style' usually reserved for stretch pants and no crash zones - the Jump Turn.

So what does all this add up to? It means that you need to be more creative. You need to re-learn your mountain. You must take another look at the old girl who looked so pretty when she was gussied up in that tight prom dress wo' those many years ago. That was before the wind beat wrinkles into her face and the sun cooked her pleasureable surface. It's a different story now; she's sporting a ratty pair of overalls and hawkin' huge lippers.

Some of you may need inspiration to go up to the hill at all. It might take a new piece of equipment to get you out there. Or a heavy case of cabin fever mixed with mild roommate annoyance syndrome. If you are denying this and saying that you've been out there getting yours, I challenge you to think about how many days you really have this season. Because looking off the back of most chairs recently has felt like attending a porn matinee in Outer Sparks on a Tuesday.

Perhaps you need another adventure which would bring you into contact with the hills and remind you how fun they can be. Winter Daze recommends the following activities to rekindle the flame with that old beast which awaits your kind return:

· Go 'snowshoeing' behind your house, preferably on a south-facing slope. There will be almost no snow and you'll ruin your 'shoes. This will not only make you look farther uphill for enjoyment (i.e. the resorts) but it will also eliminate the possibility of future snowshoe attempts.

· Try to find the best chicken wings in town. This will send you all over the place and you'll be forced to listen to fellow townies spewing their snow reviews. It is advised to work in an orderly fashion toward Squaw - this way you'll end up at the Tied-For-1st-Place wing joint: Red Dog Bar & Saloon. This might light the fire within.

· Ease into it - literally. Schedule a day for a morning massage and plan on skiing groomers in the afternoon. You look forward to it the night before just as you would before a big powder day. You wear a grin as wide as your windshield on the way there. Then when it's finished, all you have to do is maybe a few errands then head to the hill. To encourage this, Erin at Massage by the Lake (near Rosie's in Tahoe City) will give her first two new customers who mention Winter Daze, $15 off of a 1.5 hour massage. Winter Daze will further reward these same two people's adventurous spirit with one lift ticket to Bear Valley each.

· Drive to Reno. Believe it or not, but this is the best way to get over the North Tahoe Truckee blues. Nothing makes you feel more fortunate to live here at the Lake than a view of Carson Valley….

Alex West is a freelance paver, writer, photographer, event contractor and dogsitter who thinks that Buffalonians can have The Buff all to themselves - we got Piggy Wings at Sierra Vista. He also thinks that Erin at MbtL is an angel! His goal is to get at least ONE FRIGGIN powder day this season.